Hitting A Wall

I'm resting well and gently moving into the rebuilding phase of my trip. Still, I have to consciously resist stepping right back into my old habit of constantly figuring out the next move. My primary motivator has never been money but the chronic fear I've lived with most of my life, entrenched in a battle of financial survival, has consumed too much of my energy. Meanwhile my creative, spiritual self has had to grow in fits and starts, expanding but frustrated. Balancing physical health, emotional well being, spiritual growth and financial stability are like spokes of wheel. If one or more are weak, you're in for a bumpy ride at best. I've worked hard to strengthen 3 of these 4. Time to practice what I preach, BALANCE.
I'm about half way through this first leg of my journey. Returning to the way I used to live isn't an option. Becoming completely nomadic is a bigger step than I'm ready for. Something simple. A gentle way of living. No more chasing schedules and feeling overwhelmed. Where I'll land is a mystery to me but I'm practicing daily to be okay with the mystery.

Osprey feather found near Kristin's house

More heart rocks showing up

characters on Caladesi Island

Honeymoon Island

Collecting shells and stones is one of those activities when, for me, time vanishes and I experience absolute freedom.

water baby

I wonder if Southwest will charge extra for bringing home some love?

in my element

Kristin finding treasure



new friend



what can I say?? It's beautiful...



Dunedin, FL

Kristin and I spent yesterday afternoon in the little town of Dunedin just south of Palm Harbor. Fun restaurants, little shops, pubs and down to earth feel. I hope to go back again while I'm here. Sweet neighborhoods full of interesting cottages and pretty gardens. It's a town with character and an artistic flare. My favorite store was Enchanted Spirit. We hung out and talked for a long time with Bear Vogt, owner and jewelry maker.

http://www.enchantedspiritsshop.com/

spectacular color

lots of character

Finally Emotion

Ive been avoiding my yoga practice for a long time. Its not the practice Ive been hiding from, but the emotion I've known would inevitably accompany the stillness. But my yoga is like a best friend who's been waiting patiently for me to come home. Through my practice I reconnect with my true heart, my spirit. I feel God as the Source of All, my Soul as part of the Whole. I belong, I fit, I know I'm on my path.
When I abandon my practice, when I forsake myself, my spirit feels lost and alone. I go through the motions of each day feeling no purpose.

Finally today the tears came. I haven't had the time or the strength to allow the emotions, but now, here in the safety of my friend's home, far from all that's familiar, I'm easing back in. Feeling supported in new ways, I'm willing to sit in the storm until it clears.
I've never been completely devoted to my mat. I'm on the path, there's no doubt, but I tend to step off and wander away. Each time I come back to my mat, my breath, meditation and stillness, it's with renewed conviction and enthusiasm. I've allowed myself to get knocked off my feet repeatedly. What will it take for me to stay connected? Daily practice with no excuses. A beautiful discipline.

http://YOGAJOURNAL.COM/

Palm Harbor, Florida

It's so beautiful here and staying at Kristin's house is like being at a boutique spa. Looking through the tops of palms out one window and at the sunset over the gulf out of another. This is an ideal haven to rest.
After days here, I'm finally starting to to unwind at a deeper level. After a lifetime of chronic stress and countless life altering events, I'm allowing for a long overdue quieting of heart and soul. My mind is a little more persistent in its quest for answers so I need to remind myself regularly not to launch into plans for my next step or figuring out where I'm going to land at the end of my journey. When I forget, my friends have been there with gentle reminders.
I guess the journey doesn't really have an end, it'll just look different at various points along the way.

looking out my window

what a beautiful home to rest one's soul

sunset from balcony

More yoga

I remember now,
more yoga / more peace.

Yoga Practice

Day 9 and I've finally stepped back into my yoga. I have missed it but have also been avoiding it for months knowing the emotions that would come with it. I've known, even before the devastating breakup with Mike, that my life was off track, that big changes were coming one way or another. I just kept busy with the game of survival until I couldn't take another step. Several people have called my time away a vacation but honestly, this is one of the biggest and most frightening challenges of my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm also excited and opening to a new realm of possibilities, but the letting go so as to move forward is terrifying.
Allowing myself to fully rest is my first priority. I have such a busy mind wanting to jump ahead and figure this all out. Just as core training is crucial to an athlete, resting and allowing life to unfold is critical. This is a new level of patience for me. I'm depending on all my yoga training to carry me forward. I kept my practice short and simple today, three rounds of Sun Salutations with variations, hamstring and hip openers, wrist and forearm stretches and back strengthening.
Then I chose a fairy card and sat briefly. It's good start. A gentle start. I think in my new life I'll be gentler with myself.

Travel tip

Favorite and most used travel item: sarong. Thank you Rajani.

A few of the many uses:
a wrap for evening or on a plane, a blanket, a pillow, a skirt/pants, a towel, a table cloth, a carry pouch, protection from the sun, a sling, something to catch tears or wipe a nose, a curtain, a flag, a wash cloth, something to bundle around me when there are no arms to hold me, gift wrap...

New found wisdom:
cactus spines continue to fester and cause pain long after removed...

Florida, here I come...

I'm a bit road weary, but after a week away, I'm only beginning the unwinding process. The life I've been trying to keep up with is madness. The life I am choosing is filled with peace, joy and laughter. What that looks like is still a mystery to me but I'm getting occasional glimpses. My impatience keeps showing up and I'm amazed at how well versed I am at avoiding the real work I know I need to do to move thru the healing of my heart, mind and body. I'm so easily distracted and pulled off task. Packing, unpacking (too much stuff), traveling (as usual I packed my sched too tightly - already paring down itinerary), jumping ahead to consider life plans before I've even had a chance to rest, yet alone restore and pushing down emotions instead of walking thru and allowing them to clear.
Looking forward to several weeks in Florida with my dear friend Kristin and family. Like a sister, she already recognizes my need for quiet. I've said before and will say again, I'm blessed with the best friends!

Good morning from Santa Fe

I woke up early this morning despite the long drive and late night. Before my eyes were quite open yet, I found myself rolling through basic Spanish words and phrases. Ha, Maybe there's hope for my linguistic capacity after all. Thanks for the tutorial CDs Deb. They also served to keep me awake and alert in the last hours of my 13 hours on the road.
Today: am with Robyn & Toby, yoga, walk/exercise, clean out car/repack, go into town because I love it here and, most of all, breathe in the magic of New Mexico.

Driving

Long beautiful day of desert driving. Left Las Vegas at 9:30am (late start but totally worth it - my new friend Lolita made a fabulous breakfast). Open stretches of highway where I could see for miles added to my sense of freedom. The speed limit is 75 most of the way, Even so I managed to get a ticket. Oh well. Arrived in Santa Fe at 10:30pm. The highways here are really dark at night. I was happy to have other cars and big trucks helping to light the way.
Peeling myself outta the car at Robyn's house, I was received with hugs, then stood in awe of the night sky.
Time for sleep zzzzzz...

Ooops

Lunch Time

Time Well Spent

This is written by my dear teacher Sherri Baptiste and posted on her Facebook page.

"By your true nature you are not a stagnant being. Your true nature is one of growth and is limitless to explore and surrender to more joy and abundance personally and professionally as the chapters of life unfold. Making the time for Self with personal practice is time well spent.". Sherri Baptiste

www.powerofyoga.com

Time for listening

Having time to be still and listen is an incredible gift. My mind's been spinning around schedules and responsibilities for so long. I haven't been taking time to be still lately. It felt too overwhelming, too many emotions, thoughts, tasks. The unwinding process is happening. It feels good. I'm beginning to breathe again.

http://www.inspiringwomensummit.com/

Mystere

Loved it !!
Thank you Denise.

"Mommy, don't swear."

One of my favorite customers came into Juice & Java a few weeks back. It was a cold dark morning and she was running late for work. A high school teacher and single mom, I could see she was a little frazzled. Her hair was wild and her eyes searching frenetically for coffee. As I served up her steel cut oats I asked her how she was and she indicated she'd been having a stressed out morning. She said expletives had been flying out of her mouth earlier. One of her kids said, "Mommy, don't swear." and she replied, "I can't help it, I'm divorced!" Without even thinking I said, "Oh, you have Divorce Induced Tourette's. I think it's fairly common."
Can anyone relate?

Je T'aime

I LOVE YOU / JE T'AIME carved into the ring Michelle slid onto my finger at my send off party on Monday. It's a physical reminder of the love and support I feel on this journey. The support from friends and even mere acquaintances has been astonishing. Too many to list but special thanks to Anita McCombs for your help organizing the evening and being there every step of the way, Angela Aloise (Juice & Java Express in Pleasanton) for the outstanding catering, Lacey Book (Specific Chiropractic in Dublin) for hosting the party, presenters Tammy Grisel (Natural Solutions in Danville), Greg Riley (The Yoga Fusion in San Ramon), Lacey Book (The Specific Chiropractic in Dublin) and Jan Mahood (Labyrinth & Dream Work Facilitator in Pleasanton) for sharing your talents and wisdom.

Lacey - Care

Donations for the silent auction to help fund my trip came from; Ken Cook 
(Tri-Valley PC Medic), Lois Perryman (CMT & Esthetician), Debbie Lopes (Savvy Seconds), Patricia Kesselring (Girly Gifts To Go), AnnMarie Galvin (Polished Offerings), Debbie Loney (Photographer), Carol Peake Faber (Artist), Lacey Book (Specific Chiropractic), Dave (Big O Tires), Lisa Capriotti (wine imports). If I have overlooked anyone, I do apologize.
Thank you to all who participated and contributed to send me on my way. With every mile I am more aware of the blessings I have. Too many years focused on what hasn't been working. I'm shifting.

follow Juice & Java Express
on facebook

Michelle, my belle...

Carol - Artist

Jan - Wisdom

Greg - Humor

Tammy - Balance

Me - Receiving

Full Moon

Sarah gave me a glass crescent moon to keep with me on my travels. She'd saved it all these years after I gave it to her when she traveled to Mexico as a freshman in high school. She reminded me what I'd said when she left, that we stay connected under the same moon. Sarah, did you see our full moon last night?

Happiest Place On Earth

I found it yesterday and it wasn't Disneyland. My nephew and wife Kathy's house with their two beautiful boys Kyler (2 1/2yrs) and Aedan (1 1/2yrs) is one of the happiest place on earth. A small house tucked in the redwoods of Aptos, CA, full of joy and toy trains.

Day 1: Am I really doing this?

Today will be my official first day on the road, although I packed yesterday and drove to San Francisco to stay with my dear friend Rajani and her husband Bailey. They lovingly nourished body and soul in preparation for my journey.
I have to admit a sense of panic as I drove away, wondering about this adventure of mine. Am I insane? What was I thinking? I can't do this? I wanted to turn around and head back to everything familiar but the support of so many kept me moving forward.
I had a wonderful send off party on Monday night and was blessed with wisdom and gifts shared by so many sweet friends. I've shared special moments with others in the past couple of weeks, the raw state of my emotions allowing for deeper connection.

This morning I woke up refreshed. Peeking at my emails, this is what I found on the Daily Om.
April 4, 2012
Starting New
A Moment of Choice

www.dailyom.com

Rajani, a world traveler and wise woman reminded me to keep my heart open, listen and align (HOLA) hmmm. She also brought me back repeatedly to my center. This time is for me; a concept I've talked about but, in practice, find it challenging. Then she wrapped me in the sarong chosen for my journey.